Myrtle Beach local, Ashley Nance, feels most like herself when her hands are gripping the textured handlebars of her 2021 Street Glide Special Harley Davidson and when she is being hugged by her leather vest that is decorated with patches showing off her past.
One reads, “Afghanistan 2007.” Another reads, “CVMA,” which stands for Combat Veterans Motorcycle Association.
Nance also feels the most free when she wears a simple blouse, Capri pants and cute sunglasses. She has come a long way to feel comfortable wearing such feminine clothes, though.
“I felt it from an early age, but back in the 80s and 90s, you couldn’t really do anything about it and a lot of people didn’t know what transgender was,” Nance said.
Nance is a transgender woman, wounded combat veteran, avid biker, wife and parent. At the intersection of all of these aspects of her identify is a new life that Nance worked hard to attain and is now proud to have.
“I want everyone around me to experience the kind of happiness that I’ve been able to experience through this,” she said. “Whether it’s through a career transition, whether it’s through having children, or whatever they want to do that’s going to make them this happy, I want to help them find it. It is a feeling that is just so amazing. I went from wanting to kill myself to wanting to live every second of every day and give back as much as I can.”
While one might not think that the transgender community and the veteran community overlap much, there are actually plenty of people who identify with both communities.
“I think [the transgender veteran population] is bigger than most people think,” Nance said. “I’ve heard that trans women, especially, are joining the military, because it’s so masculine, and they’re trying to run from who they are. And I can honestly say there might be some truth in that.”
Transgender people are actually twice as likely to serve in the military, the National LGBTQ Task Force found.
“That’s what I did,” Nance said. “When a group was opened in Myrtle Beach at the [Veteran’s Affairs] clinic for LGBT veterans, I was super surprised to see four other transgender veterans show up.”
Towards the beginning of Nance’s journey in coming out as transgender, her priorities did not preside with helping others like they do now.
“When I first started transitioning, it was about wanting to not be noticed, and just be that ‘other woman over there doing her thing,’ but with the more people I started to meet, it became, ‘how can I advocate for equality?’” she said. “Eventually, I became more outspoken, and I’ve been on the news a couple of times to talk about different issues affecting the transgender community.”
Today, Nance goes out of her way to help mentor and advocate for people who are struggling to transition successfully.
She has traveled to Los Angeles to speak to young veterans about the transgender community and she helped a transgender, veteran biker from Minnesota move away from thoughts of suicide and towards embracing her identity and finding happiness.
At the core of transitioning successfully is support, Nance said.
“My journey started when I was a kid. ... I truly felt feminine, in terms of what our society sees as a binary, female and male roles. I truly felt that I had to act my whole life and I should get an Oscar for that,” she said. “It’s like being undercover. It’s like living a whole separate life.”
In short, it was a long time coming when Nance finally told her wife about her life-long struggle of concealing her identity.
“I started transitioning in 2018. ... My oldest son graduated in 2013 and I came out to my wife when they were in high school and she asked me if I would wait to transition until they got out of high school. And I told her, ‘Absolutely, I would wait,’” Nance said. “Just having her support at that time, but also seeing her concern for the kids, that made me happy because she truly loves our boys and she truly loves me so we can get through this kind of thing.”
Today, her wife’s love and support is largely what drives Nance to be her true self and advocate for veterans and the LGBTQ+ community.
“My identity has been with me since day one and now I actually get to share it. It’s not a fad,” she said. “There are some people that may think that they’re transgender, and they might not be, but I think the more support that people have to express what they feel their true identity is, I think that will help them come to a conclusion. ... When I look at kids now, there are so many supportive parents out there and I hope that the world sees [transgender people] as people.”
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